Come At Me Bro

You know what really burns my cookie? When people say that teachers are just whining about wanting more money. We get Summer's off right? And "random" holidays?

First of all. My contract hours (which is hours I'm paid for) are from 6:50-2:01. Cake right? Well. Except today when I went in at 6am and left at 4:30 (no overtime). Oh and tomorrow on those "random days off" where I am going in to practice with my speech & debate team. Oh and shoot. Speaking of speech & debate we have 2 tournaments this month, in a row. So I am spending from 2:30-9pm on Friday and 7am to 9pm on Saturday at a high school with my students while they compete.

Darn it, I forgot to mention lesson planning. While my contract has me there from 6:50 to 2:01, school actually runs from 7:00-1:25. So that 45 minutes of no class I'm supposed to plan not just any lesson! But meaningful lessons filled with metacognition, mastery of content, pre/post assessments, life skills such as collaboration, honesty, punctuality. I'm supposed to never ask recall questions (when did the Civil War happen), so I need to ask questions that really get my students thinking and analyzing (Why did the Civil War happen?). And forget powerpoints/notes. That's what some people call lazy teaching. Technology! Its the new way! Embrace the cell phone! Incorporate technology into your already beautiful lesson plans! Use the internet! Have them research! Oh no. The wifi and network went down. Sorry guys.

Oh and just in case you wanted to have a lazy day, don't worry. An administrator will come in randomly and out of the blue, sit in your class, ask students what they are learning, why they are learning, and how will they know if they mastered it (yes, that happened to me today in fact).

Remember those pre/post assessments? I don't just put those in the gradebook, I have to run data analysis. Did my students learn? Which questions did 160 students miss. Why didn't they learn? Was it my lesson, or their attitude, or assembly day? Data analysis? Easy! No wait. Use the data. Did they learn? No? They missed #3? Reteach it!

All of that "easy" stuff I just mentioned I also need to put in a folder/binder to turn in as "evidence" of my teaching as apart of my 3 formal evaluations that happen each year. 

Oh that 45 minutes of no class freedom I mentioned? I also have 160 students needing attention, asking questions, clarifying assignments, needing extra help, and/or needing a person to talk to. Not to mention parent teacher conferences, IEP/504 meetings, and going to the bathroom.

Calling in sick? Good luck! Talk about a crap shoot. Will the sub even do the lesson plan? Maybe, maybe not. So all those "sick days" that teachers have, more often than not don't get used because it's actually harder to use a sick day and come back to who knows what in your classroom then actually take a day off.

By the way. I still haven't graded papers yet.

Am I the only teacher who spends this much time at work or working at home evenings and weekends?? I am one of many. To all my teachers out there who never became a teacher for the money but would like to actually get paid, I raise my glass of water (I'm off diet coke) to you in salute. We are all in this together #HighSchoolMusical 

So yes. Maybe we get 2 weeks for Christmas, a week in March, and 3 months in the summer. But unless you have a time turner circa Harry Potter book 3... most summers are filled with lesson planning, professional development, or working a 2nd job because we whine too much about needing more money. And even if heaven forbid we take a vacation that just furthers your opinion that we are spoiled. Furthermore, if you want to get really real, the only vacation I have taken in the 3 years I have been teaching is back home to Oregon to visit my family. Because I can't afford anything else that would cost a hotel room or food.


But yes. Let's raise minimum wage for McDonalds workers. They deserve it.

‪#‎MicDrop‬


In case you don't believe me: http://www.upworthy.com/the-real-number-of-hours-teachers-work-in-one-eye-opening-graphic-3

Its me again, Margaret

Well I dropped off the face of the planet, and for good reason might I add. Boy this has been one tough year for this single lady. Some of you know (and you probably do if you're reading this) that I had a minor surgery last December. Took my Christmas break away from me with recovery but I was so grateful my family was able to come to Vegas to hang with me while I was... wounded.

The expected healing time was the end of January.

February rolls by...still not healed.

March rolls by... still not healed.

April! rolls by... Still. Not. Healed.

Now, Yes, I know it took me an above average time to really think, "Gosh, I really think something is wrong". And yes, I did go to the Dr. a couple times wondering how in the world I still had an open wound, and he would just tell me "these things are a pain in the butt... just give it time".

May rolls by... STILL. NOT. HEALED.

My doctor tells me to go jump in my pool, that the chlorine will maybe heal it....

Now, I'm no doctor. I did not suffer through medical school, and while I am very Grey's Anatomy savvy, I try not to brag about my skills to doctors... BUT REALLY?

So I ditch that dough-head and go to a wound care clinic. Who knew they existed? They do. Add that to the list of things you learn as a grown up.

That clinic very kindly referred me to my new and wonderful Doctor who promised to heal me, BUT... we need another surgery.

June rolls by... Waiting for surgery.

FINALLY... after getting rough with some people (I mean seriously, it takes a month to schedule a surgery? My mama didn't raise no fool...) I got scheduled for Surgery on July 6th.

"This is an outpatient procedure" they said. "You'll be fine" they said. "You'll be home by noon" they promised.

5. FIVE. Not two, not three, FIVE days later I am released from the hospital. I can barely walk, stand up straight, or keep down food.

THANKS GOODNESS my Mom drives down. Apparently my Dad had to yell at her to get her to drive 15 hours, and I am soooooo soooo sooooo sooooo grateful she did. I am also grateful we are both in the teaching profession because my "couple weeks" of recovery turned into a 5 week recovery with a wound vac. Which is painful. Its exactly what it sounds like but you don't want to believe. A machine that is constantly vacuuming your wound.

Everything hurt. Laying down, sitting up, blinking. It all hurt. For 2 weeks I was on constant Hydrocodene every 4 hours. Which I absolutely HATED. It turns out that I am so much of a control freak that I hate losing control of my capacities. And in this case, my brain. Those pills make my head feel heavy, foggy, blurry and I cant THINK. The fear of me turning into a drug addict was erased when everyone realized I wasn't taking them even though I was in pain, because I hated the way my head felt. (Mom took care of that.) They did wonders for the pain, but still. Woof. I seriously do not understand how people become addicted to those things. No judgement, we all have our vices, but I do not understand why you would want that feeling. (Now the Xanax they prescribed, I will be holding on to... just kidding...)

Anyway. Here's my excuse for completely removing myself from society, friendships, and church.

But! On Tuesday Vaccy (the wound vac) comes off! I wanted it to be last week, the doctor wanted one more week. I then tried Saturday. So it comes off this Tuesday. He DOES have a real degree, not just a Grey's Anatomy degree. So he wins. Promptly following that appointment my wonderful Mom and I are driving up to Oregon for 5 days of summer break.

5 Weeks
One Wound Vac
56 Hydrocodenes
4,897 games of Gin Rummy
47 games of War
7 seasons of Gilmore Girls
6 Seasons of White Collar
3 Seasons of Lie to Me
and 4 Seasons of Private Practice (Netflix keeps asking us if we are still watching... Yes Netflix. Quit judging us)...

We are heading home to Brookings on Tuesday.

And then... Back to work. Ok fine, I'm a little excited. :)

A Lot of Questions... But No Answers

I went today to help with credit recovery at the school. A student (a senior in high school) came up to me and said "Ms. Ashton, why did you get so fat? You're a lot bigger than last year, what happened?"

Now. I am NOT posting this for compliments. I know my self worth, and I know what has happened this past year and why. I have gained weight. While the comment was another reminder of the hardships I am going through and the lack of control I have right now, I stopped letting peoples comments dictate my self worth a long time ago.


Here's why I am posting this.

I absolutely do not care what students think about me or my appearance. I will not lose sleep over the comment. What I am losing sleep over is the fact that somehow, this student felt comfortable saying this. Where has society broken down? Where is the gap? I do NOT want to blame only the parents, I do NOT want to blame only media, I do NOT want to blame only the government.

I sincerely wonder, where is the breakdown? Why do people feel comfortable saying hurtful things?

Its not just students either. I had a coworker friend tell me that another teacher asked her if she was pregnant. (Another extremely insensitive question). When my coworker said no, instead of profusely apologizing, the other teacher said, "well, you look pregnant."

Seriously? These are GROWN ADULT WOMEN.

I. Do. Not. Understand.

I do not understand when our needs and opinions became more important than other peoples feelings and needs.

I do not understand why "you look tired" has turned from actual, genuine concern...to just a statement that someone does not look good that day.

I do not understand why YouTube videos of being nice are "restoring faith in humanity". These videos should be boring, because we should see service and kindness on a daily, hourly, minutely basis.

I do not understand why teaching kindness has to be an actual lesson, and not just the way things are. Why do we have to explain respect to a 17 year old, when they should have seen it modeled since they were cognitive enough to understand behavior. And if they fell off the path of kindness and respect, why didn't someone catch it, and explain it to them when they were 10? or 11? Or whatever age they started displaying disrespectful behavior?

When did it become ok to tell a teacher to calm down and go away. Before that even happened, (and yes, it also happened today by another student), this student asked me "who the f**k are you?" Who taught this student that when you do not know who is talking to you, you ask them like that? Where in this students life did he miss the lesson that when you talk to someone, ANYONE, you speak with kindness?

I was at the airport a week ago. As usual, when it gets close to boarding the waiting area becomes very crowded. I arrived earlier than usual to do homework, and got to experience the area filling up with people. About 20 minutes before boarding, the area was completely packed with luggage, people, and kids. I tend to sit on the edge of a crowd. I noticed two ladies in wheelchairs get rolled up. Now, I had an open seat next to me, I saw the two ladies who needed a place to sit (the employee needed to take the chairs elsewhere), and I connected the dots. I quickly packed up my computer and offered them my seat and the one next to me. This was how I was raised. If someone older than you enters the room, you give up your seat, no questions asked. The two ladies were overwhelmed by my "kindness". To me, I didn't even think it was that nice. It was what SHOULD have happened.

I did not tell you that story to make you think I am an incredibly nice, caring, kind human being. I have my faults and I have my moments. We all do. No one is perfect. No society is perfect. I know I can be thoughtless and selfish. I am constantly working on that.

But I had a moment when the student told me to "go sit my ass down", I thought...

Why didn't this student have someone in his life teach him, and model for him, respect?









***** I do have incredibly kind and wonderful students. I also know incredibly kind and wonderful human beings. This is an unnaturally negative post for me, and I try so hard not to dwell on the negative. The point of my post: asking how we can better teach, model and advocate for respect and kindness. My heart breaks for students who do not have strong role models that teach this. How can we fix this?!

Confessions of a Tinder survivor

Tinder: Tinder is a matchmaking mobile app. Using geolocation technology, users can set a specific radius, and they will have the option to match with anyone that is within that distance.
A "rejection free" app, you never know when people "swipe left" (I do not think your attractive). You only know when people "swipe right" (ohhh heyyyyyy... I find you superficially attractive) if I happen to "swipe right" on them and they with me.... we do this thing called, "Match". It sets up a chat area where one of us has to make the "first move" and actually say something. Via message.

A little background

(or rather, what my Tinder "about me" should read, but doesn't)

Name: Alex

Age: 24

Religion: LDS (so really in Mormon years I'm pushing 40) 

Location: Las Vegas

About Me: A High School US History teacher who is obsessed with her job. When I'm not working, lesson planning, grading papers, or just generally worrying about work I have my nose in a book. I secretly enjoy Nicholas Sparks movies. I dream of finding true love, along with dreams of traveling the world, moving back to Oregon, attending the Oscars, and getting a dog. Truly, I have no idea which will actually happen, or what I want to happen more than the others. 

What is actually says (or would say if I hadn't deactivated it for the 79th time) Single, Sassy, and Classy. Please don't kill me.

So Tinder. Right? 24 year old single lady who is so obsessed with work that I don't even know how to meet people. This is an app made in heaven! But is it? 

The Five problems I have with Tinder.  

And the internet in general. 

1. Pictures are not real anymore. 

I was driving to work the other day and listening to the radio (I am in between books on tape). The two radio hosts were talking about a new app that goes beyond the Instagram filter, and actually can raise cheekbones, whiten teeth, shape eyebrows, eliminate blemishes, gets rid of wrinkles, fills out your lips, walks your dog, buys you groceries... wait... scratch the last two... BUT THE REST! Are you kidding me? I practically yelled at the radio. ARE WE KIDDING US?!  And now I'm supposed to subscribe to a "rejection free" dating app based SOLELY on pictures. 

2. Tinder Shaming

The idea of Tinder is based on your location right? So you are presented with a plethora of "men" who are within 2-40 miles away from my actual current location. Sounds great right? No worry of long distance, and possible similar interests? Awesome! Also, you end up seeing people on Tinder you actually know in real life. (gasp) If your me, you swipe left (because clearly if we know each other in real life and are not dating, why even bother), if your other people, apparently you let them know you found them on Tinder. Not sure what the point of this is. Its happened to me multiple times. The most horrifying was at work, when another teacher approached me with his phone held out at arms length showing my actual Tinder profile. #Panic. Now, I realize. They are on Tinder too, or else how would they have seen that I was. I see the ridiculousness of my shame. But still. Why point it out? What I hear when people point out to me that I am on Tinder (as if I'm not aware), "you are single and so desperate that you are on tinder! Poor you!" The independent, successful, confident woman that I am becomes the awkward, self-conscious 8th grader again and has no idea what to do. 

3. Vegas Tinder is "classy" prostitution for tourists

I don't even think I need to explain this point.  The only thing I should probably clarify is why I put "classy" in quotes. Because we are no longer on street corners, swiping on someone is somehow classier than pulling up curbside in our Lamborghini. 

4. Are we Tindering in real life? 

I was telling someone about this time I was at a party, and how I could almost see people "mentally tindering", "swiping" over people to talk to because they aren't photographically filtered or botoxed. Seriously! I have enough social anxiety as it is, now I'm at a party watching this totally superficial practice of "are they attractive enough for me to talk to?"  What happened to casually meeting, talking, laughing, and communciating?! Am I the only one who is more attracted to someone the more they make me laugh? I am clearly a very funny person, and now because I am not filtered or posed right I am getting "swiped" over.

5. I have a genuine actual fear of getting killed  

This one actually speaks for itself as well. I actually know people in Vegas who Tinder and do not get killed. I envy their courage and gumption. The one time I met up with someone from Tinder I actually was shaking with fear that he was going to put a cloth over my face and that would be the end. Also, I live alone in a big city. I should fear this. Maybe not to the extent that I do, but until I get a gun, this will be a fear.  Even though I ask them in my about me to not kill me, you just cant trust people anymore. I mean, look at #1. Even if I send my friend a picture, who the hell knows if that's what they actually look like.   

All in all, I think there are benefits to Tinder. Its why I keep downloading it with hope that there will be the male version of me, totally normal (ha), just looking for a modern, casual date. And there might actually be those people out there. I think in other cities Tinder probably works beautifully. Think about Rexburg, Idaho (99% LDS), I know for a fact people are getting married even more now then they were 3 years ago when I was there. This app would have been awesome when I lived there. The socially awkward, funny, and driven girl could put herself out there without actually leaving my couch and book. 

Vegas Tinder? Not for this Single Lady. 

At least not today.