Dreams

I am sad all the time. 

Whats even worse,

is that my ex-boyfriend

is haunting my dreams. 

I am not even able to find solace in sleep. 

We are back together in my dreams. 

But its not the same boyfriend I broke up with. 

Its him

but it isn't us. 

At least not the us at

 the end of our relationship.

It was us at the beginning. 

It was the us I fell in love with.

What I keep going over in my head,

both lucid

and dreaming

is how does someone fall out of love?

People always  compare falling in love

like falling off a cliff...

So is falling out of love

defying gravity? 

Are you climbing back up the cliff?

Did somewhere along the way

of falling in love,

did you land somewhere

and you realized it wasn't

with the person you were falling with?

Like those dreams

where you are falling

and you finally land. 

Maybe when you are falling in love

and its not the right person

we hit the ground before they do. 

Or we land in different places

Falling in love is a process

and when you land

there are no butterflies

or lust 

to keep the relationship going. 

So when you hit the ground,

if your not with the person,

if you dont have the same scars

and bruises, 

&

they are miles away from you,

you have to pick yourself up,

dust yourself off,

heal,

and find the next cliff. 

The problem I am having, 

is the cliff i jumped off with my ex,

Must have been higher for me.

I fell hard. 

And my scars are not healing well

and my bruises are still sore

and my heart is still broken. 

He doesn't seem to need any medical attention at all.